I graduated! (& other news)

I definitely thought it was possible, but there was many a time during the process of getting across that stage that I wanted to give up. And now that it's happened, it doesn't seem real.  I've spent so long striving for it, surely I havn't done enough yet? Surely there is more left to do?

But no. I finished my thesis. 55 or so pages, + 20 pages of appendixes. Against all of my expectations, I received honors for it, and it's now chilling in it's permanent home in the library. I edited my last Backpage, designed my last WEB poster, bound my last notebook, packed my last box.

Here are a few pictures from the end. I only wish I had more. But, I'm not sad. I know I'll see the people that matter most to me again. Now I'm free to pursue bigger things (like a 6 week publishing intensive at NYU that starts tomorrow!).

Finding my Faith?

Writing my application to the NYU summer publishing program is like pulling teeth, but it's definitely forcing me to do some real evaluation of what matters to me.

I kind of surprised myself with this throwaway paragraph. I think I may have found what I really have faith in?

I hope I am not overly poeticizing the industry in stating It is in the endless and unshakeability of the human spirit of creativity that I believe. I take the endurance of religion and publishing as a matter of faith. That these forces have endured is a testament to their importance. They have meaning through their continuity.

Huh... I don't know. Humans can't stop creating stuff, and I love that. I really do. 

Portland

About a year ago today, I boarded a plane to Thailand. Now, I'm just wrapping up a summer spent in Canada. In the past year I have spent more time out of my home country than in it, and almost no time in my home city of Portland. 

In my eight months of jet-setting, I've learned so much about myself and how I react to new places, new people and unfamiliar situations. I've also learned that throughout this time, I still define myself as a Portlander. With my more independent sense of self has come a much stronger sense of home. 

True, I can adapt. I've slept on straw mats on the ground in the middle of rural Thailand, and I've spent all summer living alone and constantly changing places, moving almost every two weeks. I've made amazing friends during my short stays in these foreign places. I've had awkward encounters. I've been lonely and desperate and happy and sad.

But really, throughout it all, Portland has been my beacon. My defining trait. I know I can live away from it, but I now know just how much it is a part of me and that I can never truly leave it. 

Pit Stop

I'm yet again assembling the smallestamountofthingspossible in my giant blue bag so that I can set off to another foreign country. This time it's a little closer to home, only a 3 hour time difference instead of 15. But it feels possibly even more frantic, as I don't have all summer to prepare for my trip, but just less than 24 hours now.

I can't wait for swimming with Amelia, helping Sarah shop for clothes, long hours at the McGill library doing some thesis research, fumbling with my french, and of course my cool publishing production job. 

It's all good. As per usual, I'm not nervous, just sad to leave Portland behind again. But I'm excited for all the new possibilities. 

Life News

1. I'm going to be a production intern for DRAWN & QUARTERLY in MONTREAL this summer! What. Big change from the original summer plan. It's going to be amazing.
1. I'm the first person to be sent to CANADA with the Whitman Internship Grant. 
2. I have two (TWO) jobs for next year: Marketing Director for the events board at my school and Humour Editor for the paper. WHAT. How did this happen?
3. I guess I'm pretty successful? At least on paper. 

Evening Feels

1) Emotinal Eating With Diabetes is just what it sounds like. Here is a book review by my alter-ego Molly Johannes at ASweetLife. It seems like the book essentially gets at the kind of daily emotional shaming and unhealthy thoughts that are a daily occurrence in the life of a diabetic. One of the things that chrystalzied for me when reading this book review is when Johannes (maybe quoting the author or herself, not sure) paraphrased these kinds of thoughts : “this is definitely, absolutely totally going to screw up my blood sugar later today. I don’t care. I’m used to it.” What I noticed is that this statement kind of denies the diabetic a sense of self worth to take care of themselves. It's not just diabetics. There is definitely a culture of willful self-harm; smoking, junk food, not exercising. People are assaulted by these kinds of choices to "indulge" or just forgo basic self care on a daily basis, but perhaps for diabetics, or at least for me, it is brought to the forefront; every meal or snack presents a situation for almost immediate judgement of one's actions in the form of a low or a high blood sugar. 

2) The Time Travelers is the newest episode of How I Met Your Mother which almost brought me to tears. They managed to really creatively and poignantly express Ted's current situation of being left behind by the coupledom of his best friends. The episode utilizes time travel, a twist ending and a barbershop serenade (which you can watch below, but you maybe should watch the episode first.)

"Good to Think"

I know Levi-Strauss is not particularly fashionable these days, but I keep thinking about his idea that religion is "good to think."

Certainly, this is not the case for everyone... religion means a lot of things to a lot of different people. But I feel that this analogy of being "good to think" definitely applies to academia and the things that people choose to think and write and present about. 

On that note, ever since this commercial came out and was shown in two of my classes the days after the Superbowl, I haven't stopped thinking about it... It presents so many problematic and intriguing ideas. It is definitely "good to think" and maybe not so much "good for selling trucks."

It's so "good to think" that I'm trying to force it into the topic of my paper on St. Augustine. Something's gotta come out of all this thinking.

PS What!  This piece at the Atlantic adds some new depth. 
Compare this ad to the full unedited speech... It's interesting what parts Dodge chose to leave out. ALSO the fact that this ad is just a copy of a video by an actual farmer-promoting organization as opposed to trucks.