The "Easiest" "Bread" "Recipe" Ever.

So, I decided that since I only had one class this morning, I would attempt some more bread. I didn't have time to wait for things to rise, though, so I attempted this recipe I found which excitedly claims that it is the EASIEST BREAD RECIPE EVER. It literally tells you how fucking great it is as a caption to every picture. 

I will tell you right now that this is a big fat lie.

Putting it together is super easy. Flour, baking powder, seeds, and club soda. It's easy and vegan? How could it go wrong?

My guess is that the lack of yeast led to my baking hell.

For starters, the oven temperature is in centigrade. What. Luckily, I caught it, and adjusted the temperature of my oven accordingly.  

Here is what the recipe says about baking. 

Bake at 200 degree C for 45-50 minutes till the toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

So, I bake it for 50 minutes, then take it out, excitedly waiting for it to cool. Then I try to pry it out of the pan, and after minutes of struggle, it slides out revealing a severely under-cooked bottom. Shit. A fork in the center does not come out clean. Shit. 


I'm caught. Obeying the directions means baking it for 50 minutes, but it also means that my bread should be well baked in the center after that. I decide to bake it some more.

I bake it at 400 degrees for increments of 5 minutes, for probably another hour (at least that's what it feels like). It DOES NOT get cooked in the middle. I give up. You can see what happened next.

Here it is when I finally give up. Looks good, right?

WRONG. It is mocking me.
"HAHAHA" thinks the bread monster.

The bottom is a little less undercooked by now.

But it's still doughy inside.

In addition to the horribly doughy inside, the crust is ROCK HARD.
It even bested our sharpest serrated knife.

I basically stab at it for a while, attempting to get a "slice"

The wreckage

 So, I butter some pieces, but it's pretty awful. It's only saving graces is that it tastes like sesame seeds, which I have a sentimental attachment to. However, even butter can't save it. It's awful. 

The moral of the story is that this bread is terrible. Maybe if I had made little buns or something the inside would have gotten more cooked, but from now on I'm going to stick to yeasted bread when it comes to loafs.