Visions of Home

Before college I had really only lived in one place, and only had a small number of hard earned friends. When I moved to Walla Walla, my geographic and social circle widened slightly. By virtue of my carving out a space for myself there, I am very attached to these places. I am a homebody at heart, and enjoy routines and familiarity. 

Since coming to Thailand and being forced to drastically widen my geographic and social circles, I feel like I’ve adjusted rather well. Nothing has particularly shocked me or upset me beyond repair.

However, I’ve noticed myself being deceptively drawn back into the comforting world of my home. I day dream about my friends and family, and often find myself transported to familiar places in my mind throughout the day... I see myself walking to Safeway, on Ankeny field at Whitman, in downtown Portland or walking around near my house. These images are almost constant, and have lulled me into a feeling that home really isn’t all that far away... that accessing these people and places would only mean a trip around the corner. 

Sadly, that is not the case. It’s brought to the fore just how far away I am at least once a day. Yesterday I tried to buy running shoes on zappos, but nope. They don’t ship to Thailand. I got a craving for a piece of toast... nope, I don’t have access to a toaster. Though I’ve found so many new traditions here that I love, like my daily coconut and cup of Thai iced tea, I’m also far away from some of the things I define myself by. I even found myself reverting to my old student self the other day, opting to watch TV instead of doing reading for class. 
I want to be a different person here, but my attachments to home come involuntarily... I have no control over when I will be struck with vivid images of Portland or Walla Walla.

I think it’s my body and my mind trying to compensate for a cultural shift that I haven’t quite yet registered consciously. 

Do I surrender to this, or should I try to fight it?

I guess all I can do is keep going through the motions of my life here. In Buddhism, one shows their faith through actions, and through repetition. Maybe my visions of home will continue, but through my actions I can carve out my own living space here in Thailand, the images of which may follow me home to the states.